Much Ado About Nothing

Fall is now upon us. We have been enjoying some Indian Summer weather up until this weekend when the skies turned to grey and the air turned cold. It’s not snowing yet but I think it won’t be long now. Usually I am excited about the change in the weather. By this time of year I am so ready for the tapestry of color, the smell of pumpkin and spice, the onslaught of Christmas advertising. But I admit I am meeting this year’s changes with not much excitement. I know I am entitled to feel a little melancholy about this bittersweet time of year. But I wish I could be happy about it more. I suppose that in years to come that will return.

We’re close to leaving on our Halloween trip to Disneyland next week. I am really looking forward to this trip. Disney is something we have always enjoyed and I worried that when Mike died I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it like I did before. After all, Disneyland is one of the first places I took Mike when we first met. Disney World is where we honeymooned and it is where we had our last family vacation. I am happy to report that my feelings for the Happiest Place on Earth haven’t changed. I enter the gates of the Magic Kingdom with as much excitement and enthusiasm as I always have. Our memories there are happy. And I can look at Michaela enjoying herself and remember the times when her Dad was having fun there too.

My next favorite thing is Christmas. Last Christmas, to be honest, wasn’t that great. We were dealing with a lot then and only 10 days later Mike was gone. I wouldn’t say I am dreading the holidays but look at them with cautious optimism that when we put up the lights and enjoy the splendor, I won’t be reminded about how hard it was a year ago but how many Christmases that were good. And we had some doozies…I was proposed to on Christmas day 12 years ago. And 7 years ago, on Christmas, we found out that I was pregnant with Michaela. How can I not smile with memories like those?

So, yeah…this time of year is bittersweet. It is sad that Mike will not be here to share in the joy of the season with us. I miss him. It really sucks. But then I have those wonderful times to tell Michaela about. And that brings me a smile.

I’m not sure what to think of this whole bail out thing. What started out as a $700 Billion rescue of the schmucks on Wall Street has now turned into an $850 Billion up-your’s to the people that smells an aweful lot like bacon. No matter how the spin it, the whole thing STINKS!

Last night at dinner we were talking about what if they gave every single person in the USA a cut of the $850 Billion? What would that do to the economy? Good Question. I Googled the census and it says that there were 301,139,947 people in the USA in 2007. That is about $2800 per person… Hmm. What would you do with $2800?

I won’t say much about this debate because there isn’t much to say. I watched it for an hour before tuning out. I thought that both Biden and Palin were good but that Biden was the better debater. Palin held her own but Biden seemed to be backed up with more numbers and facts. And if these numbers and facts were right or wrong is irrelevant because no average person is going to bother to research any of them. He sounded intelligent and that is all that mattered. That being said, however it again begs the question of WHY is Obama on the top of this Democratic ticket. Obama has one talent and that is saying a whole lot of nothing and making it sound like something. We don’t need a smooth talker. We need a guy who knows what he’s doing. And say what you will about Biden, he at least has been there long enough to know what he’s doing.

So where does that leave the Republican ticket? Well, it’s still too early to tell. These polls swing so drastically from one day to the next. They’re not credible evidence of anything. Dick Morris said yesterday that Obama has peaked too early and that could be true. However if McCain continues to hide in the shadows like he’s been doing the past week, he can kiss his chances goodbye and I, for one will be ticked off because it just goes to show that he never had the stamina to see this through and what he and the rest of the Republicans did to Mitt Romney all the worse. We really needed a Washington outsider with experience at running something with success and he was our guy. What a shame.

So, now P Diddy is talking about how scary Sarah Palin is. Let’s add that up… the following think that Sarah Palin is “scary” - Rosie O’Donnell, Tina Fey, anyone who considers themself a hollywod “star”, the entire Democrat party and Joe Biden, although to admit it would desperately undermine his manhood. Puleeze. A month ago people barely knew who Sarah Palin was. She has an 83% approval rating in her state of Alaska. She’s taken on established politicians with crooked dealings and that includes members of the Republican party. She by all intents and purposes, is very much like your every day woman who have fears for their children and get sick and tired of corruption in politics. What’s to be scared of? That is unless, those who fear her fear more about being found out for being the frauds morons that they are.

No.

What’s scary are school children who don’t know any better singing for a presidential candidate much like the children of Hilter sang for Adolf or the formerly free Elian Gonzalaz sings for Fidel Castro. What’s scary is that there is a frenzy to get people to vote Obama that in Ohio they will allow a person to register to vote and then immediately be handed a ballot to cast that vote. Never mind that the people doing the persuading are in the back pocket of the Obama campaign. What’s scary is a moderator of a vice-presidential debate stands to gain financially WHEN her candidate is inaugerated in January. What’s scary is this candidate’s ME ME ME rhetoric. As if he’s done ANYTHING to warrant the credit for helping any single one person. What’s scary is that an organization that he represented is fronted by members of our Senate and stood to gain financially with this so-called bailout (thank goodness, some smart members of our government have fought to remove that part!). What’s scary is that Obama is doing less for the advancement of colored people because he seeks the presidency based on the color of his skin rather than the merits of his accomplishments. What’s scary is that so many people have bought into this total and complete fraud. What’s scary is that come January 20 we’ll have President Obama to salute and sing all hail to as if that is something to be excited for. I like my freedom, thank you very much. I happen to appreciate the fact that our ancestors fought so bravely for us to be rid of tyranny. How sad for them to see it return. Yeah…I’m sick of the Obama stuff. But I guess that is part of the strategy…to bring people like me down to keep us from voting for the other guy. Bring out all your journalists, celebrities and polls that tell us that Obama has this in the bag. Maybe it will work. But not with me. Obama sucks.

Yesterday was my 11th wedding anniversary. This is probably the first BIG moment without Mike I’ve had to experience (with the exception of Michaela’s birthday). And it went ok! First, I wasn’t home dwelling on the whole “he’s not here to share it with me” thing. My family spirited me and Michaela away to Jackson Hole, WY for the weekend and it was really great to get away. Secondly, since I knew I wouldn’t be here on the actual anniversary day, I made sure that before I left town, I went to the cemetary. I dropped Michaela off at school on Friday morning and ventured over to Mike’s grave with a handful of flowers. I sat there for a while and had a good cry. I was just sad that this would be the first of many anniversaries that I’d spend alone. I was sad that he was gone. I was sad because I missed him. But I felt a change come over me a little bit. As all that sadness just seeped from me in the form of tears, I was starting to feel some peace. I don’ t know if it’s a fleeting thing but as much dispair as I was feeling at that moment in the cemetary, yesterday amongst the towering Teton mountains and in the company of my family, I didn’t feel quite that bad. When I thought about the meaning of that day, I was recollecting on our wedding with great fondness and how despite all the heartache that’s been mine for the past 9 months, I would do it ALL over again. It was worth it - if only I had him for a short time.

So last evening as the sun was setting, I was alone by the Snake River trying to catch a fish. The family waited nearby patiently endulging me as I cast and recast my line out into the water for what seemed like hours. And as my anniversary was drawing to a close I found myself muttering quietly, “Ok, Mike.. You’ve got to give me something as an anniversary gift. Show me how much you love me and put a fish on my hook. I’m going to cast this thing out 3 more times and I am calling it a day…” I cast my line out once… reeled it in… NOTHING. Cast it out a 2nd time…start reeling it in… Just as I think it’s hopeless, I got a BITE!! I start reeling faster and I’m laughing like a lunatic because I just can’t believe what is happening! Really, WHO can will a fish to bite their hook? I am sure if anyone was within earshot they’d think I was totally nuts. The fish was getting closer and I could see it thrashing about and rolling. Its belly broke through the surface and I yanked quickly and like that it was gone. “Aw, c’mon!” I laughed. What a tease… That was the first time I ever had one get away… thinking back on that, there is a lot of irony lost in there. But I will say that I was pretty excited and I was pretty exhilarated to feel as if Mike had something to do with what just happened. I will remember this anniversary for a long time. Happy 11th, darlin’…