When Grief Rears it’s Head…and it WILL

It’s been 4,810 days since Mike died. No. I don’t actually count the days anymore. I had to Google it. But the point is that it’s been THAT long…And if anyone tells you to get over it or move on, tell them to stick it. The truth is those things NEVER happen. You learn to live with what is and for the most part you regain pretty close to 100% function of your life – and I say that is how my experience has been but for some people, it takes longer. Some people find ways to live with it sooner. Your time table is YOUR TIME TABLE.

Grief finds way of seeping back in though. Sights, smells, sounds… they can all take you back. Or just bring feelings back to the surface that you thought had gone dormant. Don’t fool yourself. They are never truly dormant. Case in point… I am sitting here on a Saturday night, alone…fiddling around on the computer and decide to launch Spotify. The first song to play is George Strait’s “I Cross My Heart” (see the video above). Next thing I know, I am sitting here with my face buried in my hands, the heels of my palms digging into my eyes as the song plays & a memory floods my mind – Mike is pulling me out of the car. We’re in the parking garage at Universal Studios Hollywood. It is February 1996 and he’s come out to California to visit me – it was our first time meeting face to face after 4 months of talking every day online & on the phone. He’s turned up the song on the radio, pulled me out of the car, wrapped his arms around me and we danced…. our first dance ever and it’s spontaneous, romantic and I am realizing in that moment he was someone I could see myself with forever. FOREVER…. talk about foreshadowing… but how could I know? I couldn’t. That sweet memory brings tears to my eyes as George sings about promising the love of his life a forever like Mike once promised me.

And if that wasn’t enough salt in the wound, the next song up was Rick Springfield’s “Oblivious”. G’head. Give it a listen…. Grief can be cruel. Best to just let it happen when it rears its ugly head….